Being being pushed to Meltdown and then accused of being aggressive in the workplace

Posted by: Sean — almost 2 years ago (1 comment)

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Hi iam sean Im 49 and have Aspergers Syndrome  I work for  a care provider that supports people on the autistic spectrum with all the associated behaviours ,work have made some adjustments for me which I'm grateful for but they still don't understand the complexities of the autism spectrum despite the fact that they support people with autism so I find myself in a very uncomfortable situation over the last few years I've increased Leaf find it harder to work for this provider with my autism despite the adjustments because they just don't get me as an autistic person and the qualities I can bring to my job role I have been a support worker for 25 years and have always worked really well with people that are on the autistic spectrum funny that considering I'm autistic since Christmas I have been under a great deal of stress from financial issues two major building work being done on my home to managing my marriage to a fantastic woman who does actually get me as an autistic person so under this stress my coping strategies are all over the place so my emotions are all over the place I have been desperately applying for other jobs to get myself out of what has become a sensory toxic environment a week ago there was a team building day which I went to, I'm part of the team during this day I found out a job that I really wanted to get I had failed to get so I was rightfully upset and unsettled stressed getting my emotions are all over the place my boss knows this but still carries on in there ignorance so during this time there was a quiz and I found myself needing to go to the toilet as I have IBS which is triggered by stress so upon my return not any issues were made of it so I thought not a problem continue with the rest of the day and went home feeling pretty s*** and fed up and depressed angry again motions all over the place Saturday when I go into work I am summons to the office to be towed why did you leave the leave the quiz to my surprise I answered to go to the toilet my boss is reply was why you had a break 50 minutes before why didn't you go then again I explained I have IBS which is triggered by stress but my boss knows this so she's saying her a bit at this point I'm starting to get very angry the kind of the triviality of it so I'm told I should have asked for permission to go to the toilet and I explained I am 49 years old I have not had to ask for permission to go to the toilet since Primary School her reply was it's very rude to just leave like that I've talked to a shower and they agree that you should have asked for permission to go to the toilet at this point I throw myself really beginning to become very angry to the point of meltdown and then my manager start talking about some meeting I was going into at this point I was unable to focus on what was actually being said and literally was becoming way too much information through my mind to cope with a back given point but she kept pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing to the point of me melting down there and then in the office so I drastically resorted to my breathing exercises and trying to get some degree of coping strategies up and running which I did quite well nearly got her I didn't get her just result into a little bit of its self-injurious behaviour and I believe a bit of paper got thrown on the floor I can't remember exactly because I was in Crisis so after this I found myself so exhausted I had to go home does losing the shift and the money with the extra pressure that that puts on my already strained shoulders so I get home not happy with this situation I phone my bosses immediate superior to my utter disgust automatically takes the manager's side informing me that she is already talked to him about what had happened I tried to make my point but he was not listening and apparently my meltdown came across as threatening now this is a service that supports people with autism so you would think they know what an actual meltdown is so when the service users we support go into crisis we support them as best we can to help them gain control and limit the damage caused by the meltdown but it's strange how this doesn't apply to me as an employed member of staff on the autistic spectrum that they know I am on the autistic spectrum they know my triggers and they know that I have been particularly struggling so I really feel that that they have utterly failed me by completely refusing to understand me as an autistic almost expecting me to stop being autistic purely because I have policies and code of conduct to follow yes I agree with them I do how close he comes out to follow but when I'm in crisis or when I've been pushed into crisis I go into meltdown just exactly the same as a service users we support so any help voice will be greatly valued as because I am really at the end of my tether and really feel that they will use this as excuse to sack me disguising it as some kind of policy infringement


Posted by: Felicity — almost 2 years ago

Dear Sean,

Thank you for your post and I am sorry to hear all that you are having to manage right now.

We would suggest contacting Access to Work, which is a funded government grant scheme that can support both yourself and your employer with coaching to assess, address and put techniques in please for your work related needs.

Their contact details are:

Telephone: 0800 121 7479

I am also including the contact details for Elaine Nicholson who runs Action for Asperger's. They provide a counselling and emotional support service for any child/adolescent/adult who has Asperger’s Syndrome. 

They also offer counselling to neurotypical persons whose lives are in distress or upset as a consequence of their experience with their Asperger’s Syndrome son/daughter/sibling/spouse/friend;

You can contact her on;

+441536 266681

Below is also a the link for another online support forum where you might be able to access further information and suggestions from other users who have perhaps been through something similar;

The Wrong Planet website is

If you would like to discuss any of this in more detail you can give us a call on 0800 756 2420 or send an email with your contact details to and I will give you a call to discuss.