Helping an adult with new diagnosis

My husband more or less self diagnosed almost three years ago.  

I am struggling.  He is my registered  carer for serious health issues that are going downhill badly Esoecually with my mobility.  

Not sure how to cope.   I feel I have always been the driving force over 42 years.  Now the children have gone I realised why.    I knew something was there but I never had time to broach that side of things 

My husband saying felt felt that he identified with a person with Aspbergrs on TV. (He had tears streaming down his face)has opened a can I cannot close.   I feel alone and helpless as he is now in complete and utter denial.     He us very, very high functioning.  Bought up four kids and renovated several houses. However I feel very alone and isolated.     He is completely happy in his own world.  I can’t connect emotionally in any way  

The hospital isolated one of my needs on discharge from a ward.  It wasnt the occupational therapy I thought they would offer first.  It was help from the Austism side of things.  

I need emotional support as I have been waiting fours years for diagnosis.  It’s hot do very complex and hard to deal with.