Mum and adult son with Asperger's - help needed

Posted by: Anne — over 7 years ago (1 comment)

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I am a Mum with Asperger's and cannot cope with any confrontations with others - and suffer with mutism when I have tried to deal with emotional problems. My adult son can be very verbally aggressive towards me. He does not live at home but in a house which I agreed to help him buy, but for which I have ended up paying the mortgage for the last ten years, and which is a struggle for me. It does not seem to occur to him that he should be paying this himself. He is working and spends all of his money on cars, motorbikes and drink. I think he probably has some debts. His brother complains that he never pays his way if they go out.

Despite everything, I am terrified of alienating him or triggering him to do something stupid.

Can anyone offer any helful suggestions?




Posted by: Living Autism Moderator — over 7 years ago


Dear Anne, 
This sounds like a trying situation, it doesn't sound as if leaving things as they are would be the best thing for either yourself or your son. But I understand your concern in not wanting to alienate your son either. 
Perhaps it would be helpful to speak to a counsellor on some techniques on how you can have this discussion without it turning into a confrontation? If you email us at with your details we can see if we know anyone suitable within your area.  
One other thing to consider is - has your son been assessed for Apergers himself?  The genetic element of aspergers is by no means clear cut, but it will affect your situation if he is also on the spectrum.
We'll ask our contacts if any of them have any experience of or advice for similar situations.
Best of luck